Top Ten Ways to Stay Awake when Driving at Night

10.    Take drugs.

9.    Listen to Limbaugh.  Some noise is so jarring that it can’t be tuned out.

8.    Think about sex.

7.    I knew a guy who said he would take off all his clothes and stack them, article by article, in the seat next to him, then put them on again.  I haven’t tried this one, but if you do, be careful about getting pulled over.

6.    Play chicken.

5.    Light a stinkbomb.  Or, travel with a flatulent dog.

4.    Moon a cop, then drive really fast.  A high-speed chase will get the blood flowing.

3.    While wearing long pants, roll down the window and rest your left ankle on the rearview mirror.  On a warm night, the ventilation feels nice.  On a cold night, you damn sure won’t go to sleep.

2.    Instead shutting both eyes, rest one eye at a time.  This is also a good way to practice winking in case you get a hot nurse when they take you to the hospital.

1.    Bite the wheel and steer with your teeth.  Especially effective on gravel roads.





POSTSCRIPT.  Right now, I am backpacking in the Wyoming Range and Salt River Range.  I will probably be gone on that backpacking trip for a week or more, so this blog entry is one that I prepared ahead of time and scheduled to post in advance.  I’ll start writing “live” posts again when I’m back to my truck and computer.  While I’m gone, there will be no new blog entries for Saturday or Sunday.